


just stay

by ykhkiho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Lots of tears, M/M, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:10:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8759968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ykhkiho/pseuds/ykhkiho
Summary: Hoseok carried many burdens, but he didn’t know that Kihyun silently carried his.





	

Kihyun was worried about Hoseok. 

The blonde had shown up to practice in a solemn mood, and the group was a little unsure as to why the vocalist was so upset, he’d had his share of ups and downs recently but they thought he was getting better. They thought they were finally getting to see their Hoseok be himself again. 

Clearly that was not the case. 

Hoseok got ushered out of practice an hour into their rehearsal, now it wasn’t uncommon for members to get pulled out for random reasons sometimes, Hyungwon often got called out for outfit changes and Jooheon almost always had a strategy call for a solo schedule he was working on. But, Hoseok didn’t have issues with wardrobe or solo projects to tend to, which meant one thing: whatever he got called out for was not going to be good. 

Kihyun was anxious the entire time Hoseok was gone, nearly missing a step when he turned to catch a glimpse at the door for the millionth time. When practice ended and Hoseok still hadn’t returned, Kihyun began to panic. It wasn’t like them to keep someone out for so long, and definitely wasn’t in Hoseok’s character to just leave. 

“Hey guys, I’m gonna be right back.” Kihyun announced after he took a long sip from his water bottle and stood up. The others quietly nodded, knowing exactly where Kihyun was headed and let the pink haired man do what he needed to do. They knew there were certain situations that only he could handle. 

Kihyun made it down the hall, looking through the different rooms in attempt to find Hoseok, slightly going faster and faster when he realized the blonde was nowhere to be found. After a thorough search through the main floor with no luck, he decided to go up to the top floor, a floor that was often used for storage and props; no one besides staff members really went there. 

He flicked the lights on and roamed through the halls, shifting slightly at the eerie atmosphere it presented since it was always unoccupied by people. 

“Hoseok?” Kihyun called out. He hoped he’d get a response, but instead got nothing. Spotting two rooms near the end of the hall he poked his head into the storage closet and saw nothing. He turned on his heels to leave when he heard the echo of a few soft sniffles. It came from the restroom. 

Kihyun walked carefully into the large bathroom and turned the corner near the back wall. Walking in further, his chest caved in at the sight before him. Hoseok was sitting on the floor by the end of a stall in the corner, knees brought up to his chest as his arms wrapped them. His head was tucked right in between his chest and knees and immediately alarms went off in Kihyun’s head as he raced to Hoseok’s side. 

“Hoseok? Hoseok, it’s me. What happened Hoseok? Why are you crying?” Kihyun asked as gently as he could even though concern was laced through his words. He couldn’t help it; he tended to worry more about the elder than he worried about himself. 

Leaning forward, he put his hands on Hoseok’s knees and tried to look at him. Tears streaked down his face and he was pretty sure there was a trail of snot and saliva too. Hoseok was breaking right in front of him.

The back of Kihyun’s eyes began to burn at the sight before him, all he wanted to do was hold the older man so they could cry together, but he quickly looked away to recollect himself. 

And that was the thing, Kihyun never cried in front of Hoseok. Whatever Hoseok went through, since day one, Kihyun had been his rock and stayed by his side. They’d known each other the longest, been to hell and back together, and after the shit-storm Hoseok went through during their debut days, Kihyun had become incredibly protective of him. He stood up for him, from small circumstances with staff or the other members, to major situations involving the managers and CEO’s. Kihyun knew Hoseok wasn’t as headstrong and levelheaded as he was, and it made Kihyun want to stand up for Hoseok the second he was treated wrong. His protectiveness towards Hoseok was silent but strong; it came as natural to him as breathing did. Kihyun was always strong for Hoseok because he knew that’s what Hoseok needed, someone to catch him when he fell. Their relationship was different. The members loved each other, and would take a bullet for one another, but there was something about the friendship Kihyun and Hoseok had that no one else could ever come close to. 

What Hoseok didn’t know however, was that usually after, Kihyun would go to the bathroom of their dorm, turn the shower on and sit on the floor and cry. Kihyun never cried in front of Hoseok. But, that didn’t stop him from sitting on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor and silently crying for Hoseok. The blonde wasn’t aware that Kihyun felt so much for him, that he also felt Hoseok’s pain as if it were his own. Hoseok carried many burdens, but he didn’t know that Kihyun silently carried his. 

“Hey, Hoseok, baby, tell me what happened” the term of endearment slipped out naturally, “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” Kihyun reached his hand up to cup Hoseok’s face but he swatted it away, keeping his head ducked down as he cried. The loud sobs were echoing through the open space and it made Kihyun’s gut wrench. 

Kihyun wasn’t the type to care much about affection as he rarely showed it unless it was random or a special occasion, but having Hoseok push him away hurt a little. 

Breathing out, Kihyun tried again. “Hoseok, if you don’t tell me what happened right now I’m going to fucking lose my mind, okay? I don’t know how else to help you. It’s me remember? I’m here for you. Tell me what happened.” He all but begged. 

Finally, Hoseok sniffled and spoke up. “Kihyun” He choked out with his head still tucked between his legs. Kihyun shifted closer to him and wrapped his own hands around Hoseok’s arms. He urged Hoseok to continue.

“I’m here baby, tell me what happened.” 

That caused Hoseok to start sobbing again. “K-kihyun they pulled me out-out to reevaluate me. They showed me a fancam and said I’m not doing as well as I should. They told me everything I did wrong. I-it was a lot.” Hoseok began to tell Kihyun the details of the meeting through choked sobs, about how they said his voice was rough around the edges, how it cracked a lot and how the managers were debating on which direction they should take his “sexy image”. Kihyun could tell Hoseok was completely degraded right in front of them, as if he wasn’t even there. This wouldn’t be the first time. 

The next line made his heart drop. “They said they don’t trust me to stand on my own right now. That’s why I don’t get individual schedules like you or the others. That’s why they keep rejecting my music. They don’t have faith in me as a person. They don’t trust me.” And with that Hoseok broke down again, and since his head was still hung low Kihyun let a few tears fall from his own eyes, unable to bat them away like he usually did. 

Rage seeped through his veins like his own blood did, but the sadness he felt for Hoseok overpowered his anger. Hoseok was the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. He was tender, sensitive, and everything fragile. Despite his rough and rugged exterior, he was delicate. In this industry, people like Hoseok were the easiest to destroy. 

“Hoseok…you know you can’t listen to shit like that, you know they’re just out here to make profit. How many times have I told you that, huh?” Kihyun asked as he gently smoothed the skin on Hoseok’s hand and ducked his head down to leave a soft kiss on his knuckles. Hoseok instinctively latched onto Kihyun’s hand, before letting go. 

Kihyun continued. “You do so much for us. You’re hyper aware of everyone’s feelings, you make sure we’re doing our best. You entertain the maknaes and have fun but you stand by the hyungs. You work out twice as much as we do and sleep less than anyone else; you work on your music until 5 am only for it to get tossed away in the morning. You get sick so often, we worry a lot about you. The amount of medication you take is insane? Yet you keep going forward anyways. Why do you push yourself so hard? You do so much, Hoseok, you don’t understand how much you do. I hope one day you see how valuable and important you are.” Kihyun’s voice broke towards the end.

Hoseok didn’t respond, but Kihyun didn’t expect him to. He could never find the right words after Kihyun’s speeches. 

They lost track of time, but Kihyun couldn’t care less. 

Hoseok’s sobs reduced to sniffles and some coughing. Kihyun sat close, knees pressed up against each other as he caressed Hoseok’s hands. 

After a few minutes, Hoseok spoke up. “Kihyun, can you leave? I just…want to be alone. Thank you for staying with me when you didn’t have to. But, I just want to stay here for a bit.” Kihyun was taken aback. 

“But Hoseok-“ Kihyun protested. 

“Just go back, please you deserve to rest. I’ll be home soon, too. I just need some space to think.” 

The younger hated the idea of leaving Hoseok, when all he wanted to do was wrap Hoseok up into his arms. But, he seemed to have made up his mind. 

“Okay I’ll go. But, I’ll wait for you. Alright?” 

Hoseok nodded slightly. 

Kihyun couldn’t resist, giving Hoseok a tight hug before standing up. He patted his pants and took one last look at the elder.

“I’ll see you at home. Hurry back.” 

+

Hoseok didn’t hurry home. 

When Kihyun returned to the dorm, the others bombarded him with questions, asking him just how bad it got for the vocalist, and although Kihyun wanted to sugarcoat the truth, he knew lying to the members was wrong. They worried about Hoseok, too.

Hyunwoo put the kids to work, having the maknaes clean up Hoseok’s bed and the area around his room. Minhyuk set up everything he needed to take a nice warm bath, while Hyungwon went out and bought some of Hoseok’s favorite snacks from the nearby grocery store. Kihyun cooked, making some of the most comforting home-style dishes he could whip up in that short amount of time. 

Everyone joked to the fans that they identified Hoseok as “the youngest daughter” when asked about their family tree. And truthfully speaking, they poked fun at him every once in a while, teasing him about how sensitive he was and joked lightly about his tendencies. But when it came down to it, when it came down to Hoseok, to Hoseok’s happiness and his well being, they were there for him in a heartbeat. Everything about Hoseok was precious to them, and hearing his hearty laugh ring throughout the house was the only thing they craved as a whole at the moment. 

It was nearing 10 pm when everyone finally finished. 

“When is he coming? I hate it when he stays out late.” Jooheon complained. He sounded annoyed but Kihyun knew he was worried about the elder’s whereabouts.

“He should be back soon, right Kihyun? That’s what he said right?” Minhyuk asked from the kitchen. 

Kihyun shrugged and looked down at his lap. 

“I hope he comes home soon.” He replied quietly. 

Sensing the tense atmosphere, Changkyun suggest they watch something, and put on some trashy American reality show to ease the tension a little. It worked for a bit, and the rest seemed to relax again. 

“That’s so awkward! How to do live in the same house as your current boyfriend and your ex?” Jooheon asked, taking a bite from his burger. 

“They’re doing it for money remember? I’d do some crazy shit too if it meant I’d win a million dollars.” Changkyun yawned. He stretched in his seat. 

“Ew, honestly speaking I don’t even wanna know. Keep that to yourself, thanks.” Minhyuk replied. He got up and stretched as well, signaling that it was time for bed. 

Hyungwon was already fast asleep, perched on Hyunwoo’s lap as the brunette kept his arms secured around Hyungwon’s thin frame. 

The members got up one by one and said their goodnights. 

“Hyung, do you want us to wait with you?” Changkyun asked.

“No, I’ll wait for Hoseok. You guys are exhausted, go to sleep.” 

 

After everyone left, Kihyun waited, and waited. He drifted in and out of consciousness, only waking up to check the time and stare at the door. 

Finally around one in the morning, he heard the front doorknob turn. Hoseok walked in and shrugged his jacket off. He looked worn out and tired, eyes rimmed red. But, he looked better than his previous state before. 

“Hoseok, you’re home.” Kihyun whispered as he crossed the living room and headed straight into Hoseok’s embrace, immediately wrapping his arms tightly around Hoseok’s waist. Hoseok hugged him back just as tight and buried his face into Kihyun’s neck. 

“Kihyunnie, you waited for me.” He murmured. 

“Of course I did.” Kihyun huffed as he craned his neck up to look at Hoseok. Having him home, safe and with them, was all he cared about. 

“I don’t deserve you.” He replied with a sad laugh. Kihyun pushed him away and punched his chest lightly. 

“Shut up and stop saying that. Now go take a shower so you can eat. Then we can talk.” 

“Yes sir.” 

+

Hoseok showered while Kihyun warmed up his food, and put out some plates as Hoseok raided the pantry for his favorite snacks. 

When Hoseok looked down at the table set for two, guilt struck him. “Why didn’t you eat? Why did you wait so long?” 

Kihyun shushed him as they sat down. “I wanted to eat with you” was his response. 

 

The two sat and ate, with Kihyun watching over Hoseok like a hawk to make sure he ate everything off his plate. Hoseok complained about the green beans as Kihyun shoved the fork into his mouth. 

“I don’t care what you say, you’re eating everything.” Kihyun declared. 

Hoseok could only whine in response. 

 

After the pair finished, they settled in the living room, the others had set up a cozy camping style fort for them so the two could talk in peace and sleep there for the night if they wanted. Kihyun chuckled at their eagerness to help. 

When they were tucked into the covers and put some French movie on in the background, Kihyun finally thought he could relax a little. He was wrong. 

Hoseok could sense he wasn’t comfortable, so he scooted right next to the smaller man and scooped him into his arms, holding him tight. With Kihyun’s face pressed into Hoseok’s broad chest, and arms and legs tangled with each other, they finally molded into one. 

“How are you feeling?” Kihyun asked. He nosed Hoseok’s chest and took in his scent. 

Hoseok smelled like fruity shampoo and home. 

After a pause, Hoseok spoke up. “I don’t know. I’m…I’m okay now. But their words still hurt. I hate how insecure I am. I wish I was more like you, strong and stubborn. I wish I didn’t have so many flaws that are easy to pick apart. I never knew I lacked that much, you know? I never realized how bad I was at certain things until they kept repeating it over and over again. Now I can’t get it out of my mind, and it sucks.” He sighed. 

Kihyun tightened his embrace around Hoseok’s middle. 

It broke him into pieces to hear how easily Hoseok could be destroyed. Kihyun could try to change him all he wanted but that’s just how Hoseok was, tender hearted and kind. He would never be able to change that part of Hoseok. So it was his job to stay by his side and be there when Hoseok needed him. 

“Fuck what they say. Hoseok, everything about you, makes you you. Don’t you get that you idiot? Every little thing about you makes you who you are, and trust me when I say we’re so grateful for that. Otherwise we probably wouldn’t love you as much as we do.” Both he and Hoseok laughed at that. Hoseok wrapped his arms around Kihyun tighter and raked his fingers through Kihyun’s hair. Kihyun shivered pleasantly at his touch. 

“Hoseok, when I saw you cry like that today…I didn’t know what to do. It freaked me out when I realized how helpless I was. If you ever have a problem please come to me. Don’t ever run off like that if you can help it.” 

Hoseok sighed. “I promise. And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s just embarrassing. Always having you see this side of me and practically defend me at all times. I should be able to handle this shit on my own. I know it gets tiring.” 

By now the movie had become mere background noise. In response to Hoseok, Kihyun pinched the skin on his forearm. “God, shut up! I don’t care about all that. You know I’m always here for you. So just lean on me. Running away from your problems isn’t going to fix anything.” He mumbled into his chest. Exhaustion was creeping up on them both, but Kihyun fought to stay awake. 

“Yes hyung, I know.” Hoseok joked with a smile and they both laughed softly. 

By now both were drifting into sleep, as the day’s events finally took a toll on them. 

Right before Hoseok fell asleep he felt soft plump lips press onto his forehead and he snuggled closer to the source.

Kihyun was never this touchy on a daily basis, but coddling Hoseok was just all too natural for him. He often only did it when the two were in private, but showing Hoseok some extra love came all too easy for Kihyun. 

No more words were exchanged after that. 

+

Morning came all too soon and the members woke to seeing their bright haired duo in deep slumber on the couch, looking as comfortable as ever. They tiptoed around the pair, as they knew the two needed their sleep. 

Hyungwon silently thanked the gods they had a relatively easy day that day. Only two members had schedules and those weren’t until the late afternoon. 

When the two finally woke, it was as if there was a spark of positive energy that circulated through the house. Nothing had changed, the jagged scars and harsh words were still there, but being surrounded by so much support did ease the pain a little, for all of them. Hoseok was feeling more like himself, more comfortable and less tense as he carried conversations easily and joked around with Jooheon. Kihyun laughed at every joke Changkyun made, and all seven members reveled in the light atmosphere that graced them after such a tense period of time. 

And when Hoseok finally laughed, and that loud, jolly laugh that they cherished so much finally echoed around the living room, Kihyun knew that he’d be alright. 

That they’d be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I was kind of in a mood so I wrote this up. It was such a spur of the moment thing and not organized at all! I apologize for the lack of substance and clarity. It was posted at 2 am, kind of rushed but I just wanted to switch things up a bit and write a little on Kihyun's love for Wonho, haha. I hope that makes sense :) Enjoy!


End file.
